I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
