At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
