I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
