party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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