I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize