I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
