Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
