This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
