Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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