I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
