Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
