The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
