Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
