Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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