If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize