# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
