My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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