My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
