ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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