Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He better not be in your backpack
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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