well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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