They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
