OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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