You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
