I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He passed out mid-signature
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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