Where is the hickey?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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