you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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