Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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