woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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