Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
