I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
3pm strippers are depressing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
