I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
