im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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