I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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