Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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