Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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