I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
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a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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