he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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