My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
