I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
