i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
