somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
