4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
