How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
