Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
