I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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