she woke up with a sticky ear
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
