talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
