instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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