Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
