I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
