Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize