Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish you could order shots online.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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