Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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