90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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