The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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