I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
