i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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