we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
