my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
